Over the past few months, I’ve been noting down the lies that salespeople tell in their sales email. These lies really stick in my craw because it’s insane to try to begin a business relationship with a lie. Here are the most egregious examples:
1. “I hope you are well.”
This lie usually appears as the first line of the sales email. Look, if you don’t know me personally, it’s absurd to claim that you care two cents whether I’m skipping in the breeze or at death’s door.
2. “This is not a sales pitch.”
This is like a politician at a podium starting a speech with: “I’m not going to give a speech.” Of course it’s a sales pitch, and it’s absurd to insist otherwise. What’s more it’s an insult to my intelligence. Pitch if you must, but don’t pretend you’re not pitching.
3. “I will not try to sell you anything.”
Yeah, right. However, let’s take this statement at face value. If you’re not selling to me, why are you wasting my time? Why would anybody in a business context want to speak with a salesperson who isn’t selling something?
4. “I am certain you will be [excited|pleased|interested]…”
Really? You’re certain that I will have a pre-defined emotional reaction to whatever you’re selling?!? Okay, whatever. One question: since you have the power to read people’s minds, why are you working in a sales job? [read]